Resistance

There is a lovely psychological boost to slight resistance. Have you ever taken up yoga or stretching and the first week or two are simply unpleasant but after that the pull on your hamstrings feels weirdly good. To me resisting temptations feels exactly like my stretched hamstrings. It’s slightly uncomfortable but it feels good too.

Unpractised resistance does not feel good at all. It feels like pain. It’s weird that it should be painful, but it’s painful none-the-less. It feels like that first day of stretching. Say I want to avoid eating the piece of cheesecake that has my name on it in the fridge. I’m in for a mental battle here. A battle I know I’m likely to lose. Sure, I fight the good fight, I resist for four maybe five minutes, but then I lose anyway. The angel and the devil battle it out for a while and then the devil triumphs, gloating like the cocky little shit he is. Afterwards I feel like I’m in a worse position than had I just wolfed down the cheesecake without a second thought. I wouldn’t have gone through the fight only to lose. In fact, I wouldn’t have lost at all, I would have achieve the exact outcome that I intended.

Practised resistance is a buzz. It’s not entirely true to say that over time my ability to resist temptation improves. It’s not as simple or linear as that. It’s more accurate to say it waxes and wanes. It never becomes truly easy or else it wouldn’t be resistance.

The two things that stand out to me that I have learnt to resist are alcohol and social media. Being able to polite decline the offer when temptation is served up to you is wonderful. It’s the quiet exhilaration of serenity. It’s the sense that you are autonomous and in control, rather than a puppet or a Pavlovian dog.

There are some things that once enticed us and now they do not. For instance, I once needed sugar in my tea but now I have no desire for sugar in my tea. These things no longer present any sort of challenge. They fall off the temptation radar, and as such there is no sense of winning since there is no challenge to overcome. I enjoy the game of resistance. I don’t enjoy it when it feels impossible or painful. I enjoy it when it’s manageable, when I feel the odds are just stacked in my favour, when I feel that winning is likely but not inevitable.