No Belief

I think one of the reasons that I didn’t try to improve myself sooner was a lack of belief.  As much a lack of belief in the self-improvement techniques as a lack of belief in myself.

In part I think this comes down to the fact that many self-improvement books having confusing messaging. The techniques are typically lost beneath the stories and case studies and ‘science’. For all the self-improvement books I’ve read there are very few techniques that I can remember. The self-improvement industry is so strange because we all have the sense that we are being played (don’t we?), but we all pays-our-money and-takes-our-chances, nonetheless. I guess it’s kind of like the advertising world and the expensive brand name world. That’s not to say that I think there is no value in self-improvement books and videos, but the manipulative rhetoric can be unbearable.

I also had an almost conceited belief in my own lack of confidence. I believed it was truly impenetrable, like some great fort of low self-esteem surrounded by a moat of meekness. Sometimes I’d take a weird sort of pride in my lack of confidence, as though it meant that I was somehow more intelligent or deeper. It’s pathetic I know, and I don’t really want to admit it, but there is some catharsis in expressing your truth.