I Quit Mass-Debating for 30 Days

Sometimes it feels as though the modern world is defined by argument, debate and outrage. The internet and social media have given us all a place to express our opinions, and boy, have we made the most of it. We’ve all become so very important, not just in our own homes or our village, but in the never-ending Universe.

We all know the modus operandi of the internet. Intelligent, well thought out, moderate opinions get lost in the storm of extremism, brashness and rank stupidity. Extreme opinions get more attention than moderate ones, so extremism becomes the norm, the currency of social media. Both ends of the spectrum are being pulled further and further apart, the middle-ground is no more. The bell curve of the real world is being replaced by the inverted bell curve of the internet. Outlandish Cranks, who once would have been quietly ignored, now garner interest. And the more their opponents argue against them the more their ideas gain credence.

The Middle-East crisis, Russia-Ukraine, Brexit, Trump, Tate, Wokeism, Right wing Versus Left wing, Cronyism, Capitalism, Marxism, Vaccines, Climate Change, Racism, Black Lives Matter,Toxic Masculinity, Conspiracy Theories. The truth is I care little about most of these topics and I’m blissfully ill-informed about all of them. But most people it seems care very much, and most people are extremely well-informed.

Or maybe I do care. Maybe I care very much. But I sense the harm these debates do to me. I feel destabilised and anxious, fearful even. My nervous system is on high alert the whole time. I can’t focus on work or family with all these storms going on around me. The internet reminds me of a rough bar where there are fist fights every night. Everyone is pissed and trading insults. You might be involved in a fight yourself or take a few blows whilst trying to break one up. You might just be an innocent bystander, but you’re still going to go home a little shaken up. If we call it being triggered these days, then I am easily triggered. It is for these reasons that I am now opting not to go out to the bars at all. I’m actively trying to avoid any discussions, arguments or controversy. I’ve decided to quit mass-debating for the next thirty days.

Call me Beta but I’ve lived most of my life not having a particular strong opinion on most topics. More often than not I can appreciate both sides of a debate. Also, there’s a gnarly little contrarian inside me that usually causes me to take the position counter to that of the current speaker whatever his viewpoint might be. The louder, the brasher, the more insistent the speaker, the more contrary I become.

Often, I feel inadequately armed against my eminently knowledgeable foe, so I sit and listen until they’ve blown themselves out. I’ll muse a little, raise an eyebrow, gently offer a counter view that they blow away with bluster and rhetoric. I’ll take my argument home with me, lie awake in bed and replay it again and again and like cell replication sometimes I replay it imperfectly, sometimes I replay it better. My argument becomes honed, but my foe doesn’t give a shit about the correctness or the validity of my argument. They’ve moved on. I’ve spent the last three nights sleepless. I’m quietly satisfied that should we ever meet again I now have a solid counter for each of their points.

Debating is often more about technique rather than the validity of someone’s opinions. Aggression is an oft used technique. Arrogance another. Both allow for posturing and force of personality to win the argument. Science and pseudo-science are another. Statistics dressed up as science, yet another. I’ve noticed that many debaters don’t actually debate the core points of an issue but instead offer somewhat extreme or absurd scenarios to validate their ridiculous arguments. Very often the argument is won by the bigger, more dominant personality. This can mean that the prevailing narrative is written by the arrogant, narcissistic and vindictive.

Abstract arguments distract us from more meaningful arguments; toxic masculinity, white privilege, institutional racism. The argument becomes whether or not these things actually exist, rather than what can be done to improve the situation of various groups. If we take, for example, the very real and disturbing issue of domestic abuse against women, this becomes an argument about toxic masculinity and how endemic is it in our society. If we focussed on domestic abuse we could develop solutions, if we focus on toxic masculinity we develop a slanging match.

There appears to be a contest in which each group is competing to be seen as the most subjugated. It’s like a Victim Olympics. Many of the debates make me feel like a victim. I feel whingy and pathetic, a depleted man.

I’m a pretty meek guy if truth be told. In debates I often feel like a flyweight going up against a heavyweight. I think I make the mistake of placing more emphasis on the content of my opinions rather than the force with which I voice them.

I have a colleague who is the opposite of me. He loves to mass-debate and he does it vociferously. He has opinions on everything. His opinions are always right even when they’re nonsense. They’re always right even when they contradict those he voiced the day before. When I try to steer the conversation towards his family, he steers it back to politics. When I try to steer the conversation towards sport or travel plans, he steers it towards conspiracy theories. I tell him I am trying to avoid the news and social media as they negatively impact my mental health. He takes the opportunity to fill me in on current affairs from his viewpoint.

I recently came across the Stoic principle that says: You don’t have to have an opinion. How wonderfully fucking liberating I thought. It seemed somewhat strange to me that anyone ever felt the need to voice such a principle but maybe the times of Marcus Aurelius were much like today. Maybe everyone was walking around espousing on every subject under the sun and the need for such a principle arose. It’s essentially a polite way of saying shut the fuck up. You can use it on the bore at your local pub. I could try it on my aforementioned colleague. I suspect though it would encourage him into a debate on whether or not it is our duty as human beings to have an opinion.

Maybe I’m wrong to take the approach I do. Maybe I’m absolving myself of responsibility and at the same time heaping the responsibility on to others. Maybe I’m too lazy to inform myself about current affairs. Maybe I’m a coward for not developing and expressing an opinion. But I embrace the Stoic principle that says you don’t have to have an opinion.

I’m getting my zest for life back. I can meditate again. I can actually think clear thoughts. I no longer lie awake at night having arguments with imaginary opponents. The days when my head hits the pillow and I experience no internal debate, no fear, no judgement, no detailed plans, just the blurry charcoal image of the life I want, and the gentle buzz of a day well-lived, those days are the best, those sleeps are the best.