A good but ultimately meaningless career
I’m a software developer.
I find it somewhat disconcerting that a large part of my expertise is based on understanding the terrible code of the previous developers. It takes a long time and an inordinate amount of effort to understand poor code. It takes more effort to remember that understanding. But outside of my company that effort has no value at all.
It would be like spending years sitting in a room analysing a novel written in a script that no-one else has ever used or ever will use. Within that room you may get the occasional nod of approval for your intelligence and diligence to understand the text but outside of the room it means nothing.
As I reflect on my working life it’s interesting to me that I consider my earlier jobs to have more meaning than my later, ostensibly better jobs.
In my late teens and early twenties I worked in bars and restaurants and supermarkets.
In my mid-twenties I decided to embark on a career in computing. To the current day I have been a software developer for over three decades. During that time I’ve worked for multiple companies, some good some bad, some enjoyable some less so. The job of a software developer is not unpleasant. It’s challenging and thought provoking, it requires collaboration and working alone, the learning is never ending. But to me the work is ultimately meaningless. It’s like doing endless Crossword or Sudoko puzzles with some added stress thrown in.
I have never created my own application from scratch. I’ve always come into a company and maintained, improved and built on existing applications. You spend months and years developing an understanding of the idiosyncratic ways of the previous developers. I use the word idiosyncratic euphemistically. Your expertise is in knowing how and where the duct tape and zip ties hold things together.
In many ways software development has been an excellent career for me. It hasn’t made me wealthy, but it has enabled me to buy a house and raise a family.
It has garnered me some level of status though what that level is hard to gauge. Many people will find my occupation as boring as hell and quickly change the subject. I empathise with those who have that viewpoint. A select few might be very moderately interested/impressed. Perhaps the most pervasive impression of people in my line of work is that they are reasonably intelligent but socially inept. No-one is asking you to regale them with your favourite IT stories.
One of the biggest plusses of my occupation is that it is location independent. I am able to work from home and for me that is a great luxury. Better still I can work from other locations either within the UK or abroad.
My work has enabled a lot of things in my life, but the work itself has no meaning to me.
I can see that others take meaning from this type of work. They are enthusiastic and excitable and always learning new things. Often their entire identity is wrapped up with this line of work. They talk IT, they walk IT. They eat, shit and sleep IT. I never talk about my work. Even around IT people I don’t talk about IT because I’m simply not interested in it. I seriously do not give a shit about waterfall Vs agile methodologies, automated testing, UAT, DR, databases, coding best practices, throughput, latency, apis, full-stacks, naming conventions, devops, documentation and the like. Documenting software systems might just be the dullest use of time on planet earth. Or maybe that accolade goes to sitting in endless meetings with people who place great meaning on it all.
At least in the old days you could just knock up some code, quickly test it and release it. Now the world of IT is all about dev testing, unit testing, user acceptance testing, SIT testing and PAT testing, documentation, rollout scripts and rollback plans, KPIs, gantt charts, project management, compliance, change management (I wish we could), standups, sprints and sprint reviews. Most people who work in IT these days spend all day setting up meetings for the few who actually do some work. As one of my managers recently described himself – he is a facilitator (portmanteau of facile dictator?).
I could gladly pile up my entire working life in a pyre and set fire to it and walk away.
The threat of redundancy looms over me. I’m struggling to muster up the energy to find another job in this field. I want to go back to those jobs I had in my twenties but alas my finances won’t allow for that. So, it seems I will have to look for another job in IT. A man in search of meaninglessness.
I’m sort of OK with that. I take meaning from other things in my life like family and travel and writing and doom scrolling.